After effects

After that incident, I fell into a deep hole. Dealing with this secret brought me into a deep depression. I ate my feelings.I slept more. I found myself staying in my room watching shows and secluding myself from everyone. I never understood why everything was a drag for me. I despised everything. I had no feeling beside Dealing with school and basically raising myself I wanted to do more but didnt know how.I had no money, no job and no interest. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and began doing drugs. At first it was just as simple as a cigarrette. Then I moved on to harder stuff. For the first time I felt the closest I could to "happy", high. I knew it was a fake feeling but it felt nice to forget. After a while I started skipping school. My grades were dropping and I coulldn't care less. I had no interest in the future or what I wanted to be. Due to my depression I started self harming. I hid this from everyone because I knew that if I were to tell my mother shes joke about it and when my father wasn't working he was drunk out of his mind. I tried to do anything to feel more than just this depression that was over me. It was a constant ritual to get high before and after school with my "friends". Anytime I was offered a drug I took it, I couldn't care less what happened to me. Of course I became happy when I was high but I knew that when it went away I would be back where I started. The depression would get worse and worst. The self harming became more and more severe. Until one day I realized,the high was just one big nightmare. I didnt feel happy anymore, I couldn't. All I felt was regret and began to hate myself more than I already did. I lost the color to life, everything was a dull murky image. My escape was no longer my escape. I didn't know what to do. The drugs became harder but the depression got worse. Suicidal tendencies began to take over. I couldn't deal with my reality that drugs couldn't save me, I was barely getting by in school and soon I would have to start looking for a college. The depression got the best of me and I was admitted to the hospital for a suicide attempt.